Adopt A Pet Steam Powered Giraffe

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My robot giraffes need your help!

A month ago a strange occurrence took place in Walter Manor. A tiny little copper elephant, no bigger than a mouse, materialized on my writing desk and proceeded to try and make off with my turkey sandwich. Now its fruitless efforts were in vain, but I fear my arch nemesis Becile is planning something dastardly!

Sure enough, pinned to the pint-sized pachyderm was a note from he:


Dear Peter,

Our war of the colossi is imminent. I have perfected a reality-transversing teleportation method to send my advanced green-matter running AI automatons anywhere I'd like.

Unfortunately I can't send anything bigger than this, so you will need to retaliate with something of equal or lesser size. No cheating, that's not fair.

Expect more where this one came from! I will give you a few months to arm yourself, and then our fated battle will commence!

Love,
I. M. Becile


P. S. I hate you.


Now I couldn't believe the name was true! I always thought I. M. Becile was dead! If he still lives, he must be at least one-hundred years old! And does his grandson Buster Becile have anything to do with this? We have much to learn, and no time to waste wondering why any parent would name their child Buster.

I quickly flushed the Becile elephant down the toilet and set to work on constructing my own army of miniature African animals.

But it seems I have overloaded their programming in the upload phase and now the whole batch is completely stupid. A far cry from the intelligent war machines I need them to be.

I need your assistance to train these robot giraffes. I'm looking for Cavalcadians who will take good care of them! You must feed them, play with them, make sure they don't watch Keeping Up with the Kardashians, and earn their loyalty for the coming battle!

The Cavalcadium user interface bar will let you interact with your very own steam powered giraffe while you frequent the forums.

You can customize their finish, and if you do a good job at taking care of them, I will allow you access to my Wonderful Hat Room where you will find various hats and adornments to dress your giraffe with.

The time is now friends! Adopt a giraffe and let us prepare!

Sincerely,

P. A. Walter VI

Funyuns & Dragyuns

Happy Black Forest Cake Day Robut Enthusiasts,

Oh my heavens what a busy last couple of months! That's right, I have more than one heaven.

But finally I have a moment to relax in my third study on the right across the hall from the Room of Cakes and Land Mines Disguised as Cakes. Sipping my Ginger Tea, with a bag of Funyuns, and listening to Pandora. No, not the customizable online radio station website. Pandora. The planet with the blue cat people. I have a feed that goes directly there so I can listen to James Cameron cackling maniacally as he lets the gold coins fountain down from his claws.

Ah, yes. Sometimes its all I can do to go to sleep at night.

For avid blog followers, you may be quaking in anticipation about what happened with my time machine project. Well, I finished said time machine much to the dismay of an entire audience gathered for our Clockwork Vaudeville Robut Fun Acrobatic Spectacular, also called Clockwork Vaudeville or CVRFAS for short.

You see folks. I flubbed.

Oh how sure I was my invention wouldn't cause mayhem. I was so sure mind you, we planned to close the automatonic circus show with a demonstration by having Attila the Hun ride a T-Rex through the aisles.

But we never made it that far, instead we got a little sidetracked after the opening song...and well, to make a long story short the Jon ran out of his Crystal Soda fuel source and my robuts used the time machine to find more of it.

In the end the whole theatre was tragically sent back in time. Some of our performers devolved into ape-like people, or were eaten by cyborgs, and a few audience members became spliced with each other. But it could have been worse.

Now we did manage to get...almost...everyone back to the right time, but I hear the Birch Theatre is still experiencing the occasional Julius Ceaser assassination while they're trying to put on children's plays.
As an honorable man I will admit when I have made a mistake.
There. I did it. I forgive myself. Now I can move on with my life.

On the bright side we did sell out the show, and most people thought the theatrical performance was a 3D movie, so...no one asked for a refund! Especially not the ones who were turned into babies and can no longer talk...

I've been wracking my brain about what went wrong for weeks...and then it hit me.
A chandelier. Fell and hit me right on the head. I instantly knew the problem.

The time machine was built out of an old armoire I found at that estate sale! Of course!

I should have known something was wrong with that mansion when I took this photo!

The entire place is built of oak! Including the furniture! That must be the problem! I need to build my time machine out of a haunted armoire made of Brazilian Cherry or maybe an Australian Cypress.

Back to the drawing board I'm afraid.

In other news, folks, if you have followed our fan-website http://www.thecavalcadium.com/, you will notice the Elite group of Blue Matter protectors known as the Cavalcadians have been trying to get my steam powered robuts to perform at Dragon*Con. It's a science fiction and fantasy convention, and while everyone assures me it has nothing to do with our logo looking like a dragon-

-they say the convention is nice and big and would be perfect to showcase Steam Powered Giraffe. So hop to it I say! Lets make sure these Dragons know that my metal men will perform beautifully for them as they lay on their gold treasure hordes. Maybe they'll even invite James Cameron! Boy! Could you imagine what sort of movie he'd make with the robuts if he saw them?

Yes for sure! A sequel to The Abyss!

Here is the website Dragon*Con for those interested in spreading the robut name!

http://www.dragoncon.org/.

Until next we meet!

Your Pal,

Peter

No, Not a Clock, I Meant the Other Kind of Time Machine

Much obliged robut enthusiasts,

I realize it has only been mere seconds since my last posting on this e-journal, but for me it has actually been four long months! You see, I used a device that let me take a trip through time! It's called a Time Machine, or a Don't Kill Your Own Grandparents Device. Very wonderful, but I ran into a few classic time tripping mix ups. It seems I went back too far and accidentally stopped the Disco Revolution, which led to a tangent of wacky adventures that would surely be entertaining to hear about but that's not why we're here, resulting in me becoming my own grandmother and inventing the lobster.

My problem with lobsters is that they- Hold on a second, we're talking about the time machine.

My problem with time machines is that they always create paradoxes and each one I've seen made ends up not existing when the user goes back in time and undoes reality, resulting in them never inventing the time machine or worse, accidentally eating themselves back when they were still a lobster.

That's why I was certain I'd avoid this by going back in time and BUYING a time machine from someone else. But it turns out that because I bought that time machine and went back in time, there was never a need to go back in time to buy that time machine in the first place! So I never made that time machine and bought that other time machine and hence that's why I never invented the lobster and most of the above doesn't apply and it really has just been four months since my last post.

Now while I'd love to go back in time and invent several lobsters, I have better uses for traveling back in time. Don't ask me what. That's for me to know, and you to use a time machine to figure out. I've no desire to see the future. Just the past. Besides, everyone who winds up in the future thinks its so much cooler and they never come back, and if they do come back its probably to stop themselves from not using a time machine to go into the future.

I've decided I need to make my own time machine again. Rumor has it my grandfather made one, but we haven't been able to find anything except the initial blueprints for the machine on an old napkin. Problem is we can't decipher it! Looks like a ketchup stain.

So I'm asking you, thoughtful readerers to help me make a better time machine! Its imperative we travel back in time, otherwise time as we know it will cease not ceasing. Tell me fellow time travelers. Is there a way to avoid the annoying paradoxes? Is traveling around the sun safer? Is traveling into the sun safer? Do I need a Delorean or does a Volvo suffice? And why in Terminator didn't they just send back guns covered in human skin?

I need answers friends.

Lots of Love,
Peter

The Cavalcadium

For the last time, it is a giraffe! Not a dragon! Our little new logo is of what I speak. So many dragon enthusiasts have sent me e-messages and letters about how they appreciate the new dragon logo for Steam Powered Giraffe. I am a fan of Dragonheart 2: A New Beginning just the same as you, but why would I call the group Steam Powered Giraffe and have my Grand Nephewaunt design a dragon head for our logo? Steam Powered Dragon is an entirely different band.


What's this new logo for then? What, you're asking, is this all about? You missed FACEMELTAPALOOZA didn't you, Jimmy? Well now, you're not quite caught up to the goings-ons. Let me shower you with my enlightening strings of text.

I have paid my Step Cousiniece to build a website for fans of the Steam Powered Giraffe robots: The Cavalcadium of Peter Walter. And this is not just limited to the fans of Earth! No no! On the contrary, if you're from Moustachetopia or New Pieland, I want you to be a part of our community! If you're an alien or a vampire, or even a space cowboy, we want you! If you have six legs or are a goat-eating Troll, or you're a cyborg with flamethrowers - Especially if you're a cyborg with flamethrowers. I want you to join if you enjoy the robots!

Seriously, if you're a cyborg with flamethrowers we can make good use of you. In fact, I'm sending out a request to my admins to look for cyborgs with flamethrowers. Heck, lasers are cool too.

You see, Earth doesn't recognize Steam Powered Giraffe, and because of that, I have no way to protect their secret Blue Matter Self Oscillating Utilitarian Lifesources which run them. We need all the help we can get to promote the robots and protect them from falling into the wrong hands.

Some of you may have heard rumors of the Brown Suits, who have kept the robots safe for decade after decade, after disco revolution. But they've seen sinister workings going on from the rival family of inventors. The Beciles. For years they've wanted the robots, and sources say, I. M. Becile is alive and well in the alternate reality of Kazooland, amassing a giant candy-powered robot army!

Scary indeed! I'll let you change your pants and then meet me at http://www.thecavalcadium.com/.
Sign up and support the Walter robots! I insist!



And now for some pictures of dragons.

Your Pal,
Peter

SPG 114 Anniversary: 1898 Photo

Circa 1898. Colonel Peter A. Walter I and Rabbit in New Orleans, Louisiana during Ralph Benedict's Bayou Music Festival.

Greetings Future Anniversary Show Attendees,

Headlining this new posting is an old picture I found of my very great uncle, Colonel Peter A. Walter I, and Rabbit at Ralph Benedict's Music Festival in New Orleans, sometime in 1898.

This annual festival no longer takes place, the last one in 1916, just before WWI swept America in, but Mr. Benedict's reputation as a man of a thousand talents in both music and the universe was held in high regard by the Walter family for years. I remember meeting him when I was just a baby, and the memory of his unique appearance and his attention-demanding presence is forever inscribed in me!

A wild young man filled with wild tastes who lived an eventful life for...hm. Well, no, that doesn't really make any sense. I couldn't very well have met him if he was putting shows on in 1898 now could I? He would have been quite old by the time I met him. Hm. Perhaps the childless universal man somehow had a childless life blessed with generations of childless universal un-boys. A sort of heritage of fatherless universal un-men. Sorry, er. I mean un-fatherless, universal un-men.

As it were, I do recall the dixie sound and the jazz which flows through the bayou's rich history. The robots played down on Mr. Benedict's Steamer well before my time, but subsequent visits to the south from my family and the robots birthed classic SPG songs such as "Suspender Man" and "Steamboat Shenanigans." What a treat it was hearing those tunes down in Louisiana as a boy and imagining the what must have been wild nights at the Bayou Music Festival, floating along on Benedict's steamboat and being engulfed by the blazing southern music.

Unfortunately the old steamboat has long since become wreckage in the swamp these days. It never did recover when the music got so hot and loud it burned right through the deck. They say Ralph Benedict's tuba exploded and it rained fireworks for days.

Must have been pretty.
Scary and dangerous,
but sure pretty I bet.

As we approach the 114 Year Anniversary of Steam Powered Giraffe, I invite you to join us the evening of January 22nd, 2010 at Queen Bee's Art and Cultural Center where the robots will play some of your favorite tunes and your most hated.

For more information, please visit the robots' main website at: http://www.steampoweredgiraffe.com/

Love,
Peter A. Walter VI

Steam Powered Giraffe

Greetings Blog Lover,

Packaged inside this digital compendium is the ever-expanding cornucopia of knowledge about Steam Powered Giraffe. Straight from the horse's mouth (Note: Contrary to rumors, I do not have a horse's mouth).

My name is Peter A. Walter VI, son to Colonel P. A. Walter V, the orphan boy whose uncle took the 1897 androids to the Plifterston, New Pennsyltucky World's Fair. I am the heir to Walter Manor, its secrets, and current "caretaker" of the famous robots you probably know as "Steam Powered Giraffe."
And while I'd love to take you on a tour of the Manor, the old place is a bit picky when it comes to visitors. Trust me on this, robot-fans, and besides; Mr and Mrs. Becile, who live here with me prefer privacy. We all need our privacy these days, yes, even the robots.

I've been using the internaut's web of entanglement since its birth, and I have since found it time to lay my own eggs of spidery infancy with this meek little blog. A diary or journal of sorts which I will share my experiences with the robots, and grant you tidbits of information from behind the curtain.

I would very much like to thank you eager fans for purchasing the robots' new album. Your support has not gone unnoticed, and the tears of joy, I assure you, are drowning us all! So thank you a million and three times for your generosity, and the further incarnations of listening material are sure to come before you know it. Try not to blink, friends, less the future passes you by!

Alright, internaut-adventurers, this introduction concludes with the foreboding thought of more to come. What's in store you may ask?
If you can imagine it, I assure you it will be.

Love,
Peter A. Walter VI