No, Not a Clock, I Meant the Other Kind of Time Machine

Much obliged robut enthusiasts,

I realize it has only been mere seconds since my last posting on this e-journal, but for me it has actually been four long months! You see, I used a device that let me take a trip through time! It's called a Time Machine, or a Don't Kill Your Own Grandparents Device. Very wonderful, but I ran into a few classic time tripping mix ups. It seems I went back too far and accidentally stopped the Disco Revolution, which led to a tangent of wacky adventures that would surely be entertaining to hear about but that's not why we're here, resulting in me becoming my own grandmother and inventing the lobster.

My problem with lobsters is that they- Hold on a second, we're talking about the time machine.

My problem with time machines is that they always create paradoxes and each one I've seen made ends up not existing when the user goes back in time and undoes reality, resulting in them never inventing the time machine or worse, accidentally eating themselves back when they were still a lobster.

That's why I was certain I'd avoid this by going back in time and BUYING a time machine from someone else. But it turns out that because I bought that time machine and went back in time, there was never a need to go back in time to buy that time machine in the first place! So I never made that time machine and bought that other time machine and hence that's why I never invented the lobster and most of the above doesn't apply and it really has just been four months since my last post.

Now while I'd love to go back in time and invent several lobsters, I have better uses for traveling back in time. Don't ask me what. That's for me to know, and you to use a time machine to figure out. I've no desire to see the future. Just the past. Besides, everyone who winds up in the future thinks its so much cooler and they never come back, and if they do come back its probably to stop themselves from not using a time machine to go into the future.

I've decided I need to make my own time machine again. Rumor has it my grandfather made one, but we haven't been able to find anything except the initial blueprints for the machine on an old napkin. Problem is we can't decipher it! Looks like a ketchup stain.

So I'm asking you, thoughtful readerers to help me make a better time machine! Its imperative we travel back in time, otherwise time as we know it will cease not ceasing. Tell me fellow time travelers. Is there a way to avoid the annoying paradoxes? Is traveling around the sun safer? Is traveling into the sun safer? Do I need a Delorean or does a Volvo suffice? And why in Terminator didn't they just send back guns covered in human skin?

I need answers friends.

Lots of Love,
Peter